Reshma Saujani presents in her TedTalk that men are rewarded for their risks and failures more than women. As a result, men are more likely than women to be bolder in the workplace.
As early as children, girls are taught to be safe and avoid risk. Girls are expected to be perfect and avoid failure. While boys are expected to play rough, be rowdy, and jump into new experiences. It doesn’t matter if they fail or get hurt, boys are rewarded for simply taking the risk.
I was like those little girls! I hesitated to do anything new because if I couldn’t perfect it, there was no value. Reading through the TedTalk YouTube comments, I saw I wasn’t alone. The comments SO annoyed me because we sounded weak. I was angry that I was ever timid especially because of a misperception.
Reshma Saujani empowers us to change our perspective, which I applied almost immediately including my work. It’s challenging and I don’t always win, but it’s been so much more rewarding and fulfilling.
Applying for the Job I’m Not 100% Qualified
Reshma Saujani’s TedTalk serendipitously showed up on my Facebook feed as a recommended video. At only two and half minutes in, the video changed my life.
Here are excerpts from the video and transcript that almost instantly changed the way I think about work (highlight added):
…so many women I talk to tell me that they gravitate towards careers and professions that they know they’re going to be great in, that they know they’re going to be perfect in, and it’s no wonder why…
… An HP report found that men will apply for a job if they meet only 60 percent of the qualifications, but women, women will apply only if they meet 100 percent of the qualifications.100 percent. This study is usually invoked as evidence that, well, women need a little more confidence. But I think it’s evidence that women have been socialized to aspire to perfection, and they’re overly cautious…
I thought back to the times I read down a list of job requirements, to end up deflated because there was one bullet point that didn’t apply to me. So I dismissed the entire job opportunity to look for another.
I can’t remember why I thought this way. I didn’t expect those I’ve interviewed to meet all the qualifications of a job description. Yet somehow if I didn’t have it 100%, I wasn’t confident.
No One Else Knows What They’re Doing, Either
After watching the TedTalk, I reflected on my job at the time. I worked for a start-up. It was common for people to work across different departments. There was always a ton to get done. Characteristic of employees in a start-up, we were all capable and eager to wear multiple hats.
I’m a bold person, but at work, relatively to how I usually am, I was a wallflower. Not even a colorful, vibrant flower. But, a wilted gray one about to die.
At the time, I worked with experts and executives with decades of experience. I sat in meetings not giving my opinion – even when asked – because I didn’t feel qualified. I thought if I wasn’t an expert, it wasn’t appropriate for me to contribute. I was timid.
The weeks after I heard Rashima Saujani, my perspective changed. It seemed I was hearing my co-workers for the first time. In this start-up, everyone was relatively working in new territory. It was true most everyone had more work experience than I did, but in some ways, we were on an even playing field. My perspective and instincts were valuable. If I was assigned a new project I hadn’t done, instead of denying it, I thought, “Well why not me?”
My Best Career Year To Date
I’m not sure anyone noticed the “new me”. For me, it was less about insecurity and more about perspective. I felt more entitled to be as bold as my personality.
However, I didn’t suddenly swoop in like a hero. There were a lot of misses. Not everyone thought I was brilliant. Sometimes I was taken off assignments.
The difference was I used to perceive the failures and mistakes as proof that I wasn’t supposed to do it. Now I tell myself, it’s all part of the process. Nothing is a wasted. I’m laying the foundation for something bigger.
I did professionally well that year, by the usual standards – salary, promotions, etc. I can’t attribute it all to Reshma Saujani. I had mentors who pushed and encouraged me. Without the video, though, I think it would have taken me a lot longer to get there.
Teaching My Children
My story here was inspired by Danbi Leads the School Parade by Anna Kim. Danbi and many kids (including my own) are unapologetically bold. If they want to do something, they insist without intimidation.
As my kids get older, though, I start to see their hesitation. They’re starting to worry more about what other people think and whether or not they’re capable. Makes me sad.
Though I regret Rashima Saujani’s revelations came so late in my life, I’m redeemed in that I’m determined my kids will be different. I don’t want them to be afraid of just trying something out and assess the value in everything they do.
One of the reasons I started this blog was to be an example for my kids. It is kind of out there and weird for me to have a successful blog. Blogging is nothing like I’ve done before and it’s SUPER hard. I wanted to quit on Day 3.
Blogging is what I want to do. I’m taking a risk and putting myself out there. Despite the hours of fruitless work, slow learning, and bad investments, I have been enjoying my blogging journey. It’s not going to be perfect because I’m not intending it to be.
Related Book Titles
My story was inspired by Danbi Leads the School Parade by Anna Kim, which is part of my book list “About Korean-American Girls.” Check my other books reviews that may inspire your own story:
Art Credits
- All illustrations by @fritaketchup
- Photo 1 Reading by cottonbro from Pexels
- Photo 3 Like a Boss by Brooke Lark on Unsplash
- Photo 4 For My Kids by Pixabay from Pexels
- Photo 5 Friendship by Charles Parker from Pexels
- Photo 6 Idea by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels