In my book review of Stand Up, Yumi Chung! by Jessica Kim, I relay that even though the book is mostly light-hearted, there was a scene between Yumi and her dad that made me teary.  It reminded me of my parents. As much as I resented them for my strict upbringing, I did understand their intentions. 

My story is probably familiar to many. I hope it inspires your own story as much as Yumi from Stand Up, Yumi Chung! inspired mine. 

(Resentment) I Coulda Been a Contender. I Coulda Been Ms. Korea.

Like some “first-generation” Korean parents, my parents placed a lot of pressure on me to succeed the way they wanted me to succeed. My mom especially had – still has – definite plans for me.

My mom dreamed for me two things: 1) to be Ms. Korea, and 2) to be a lawyer. My mom has accepted I will never be Ms. Korea. Fortunately for me, there are age restrictions.

But, to this day, my mom has not given up on me being a lawyer. On my first maternity leave, I was exhausted from my newborn. But, since I was off work, my mom suggested it was an opportune time to study for the LSATs. (She ignored I was already working on my master’s in library and information science.)

I wasn’t annoyed my mom had dreams for me. Parents want the best for their children. It was the nagging. The constant, unrelenting nagging.

Growing up, I wasn’t as focused as Yumi on who I was or what I wanted to be. But, I knew enough to know I didn’t want what my mom wanted me to be.

As I became more independent, I discovered other careers existed beyond lawyer and pageant queen. The more I understood the world and my opportunities; it was hard not to resent my mom. Even now, I sometimes think, what COULD HAVE been if I had been encouraged to explore.

Despite the resentment, I cannot let go of the obligation I feel to please my parents. Not just because they’re my parents, but because I know how much they sacrificed and worked hard for my sister and me. I had the same burden as Yumi.

(Love) My Mom Didn’t Know Job Interviews Can Be Rescheduled

My mom told me a story of when I was a baby, and my parents lived in America for only about a year. Being a first-time mom is SO stressful. I can only imagine how hard it must have been thousands of miles away from family and your culture.

My dad was in school, and they struggled to make ends meet. My mom had to find work. Despite not being fluent in English, she was able to land a few interviews.

One job interview was scheduled during a time my dad was unable to drive my mom. He told her to forget about it. But my mom was desperate.

The interview was scheduled during my nap time. I was a good napper. My mom decided to go without telling my dad and leave me home alone. She rationalized I’d sleep through the whole thing. She’d only be gone for an hour or so.

My mom came home to the sound of me crying in my crib. I was fine. But, my mom told me she held me crying and crying with me because she was so scared. My dad was livid when he found out.

I was overwhelmed by the story. I asked in disbelief why she didn’t ask to reschedule the interview? My mom looked at me in disbelief. “How was I supposed to know I could do that? They gave me a time, and I thought it was my only chance.”

I didn’t bother to ask why she didn’t get a sitter or ask a friend to come over. Who would she have asked? She wouldn’t have been able to pay anyone, either.

More Koreans on SNL!

I’m going to admit something very selfish. There were so many times I was so frustrated by my parents, and I wish they’d stop existing. So often, I cried to myself, thinking I’d be better off without them. They were the ones that were holding me back! I was capable of so much more if I was allowed to do them!

Then I hear stories of how much my parents struggled and sacrificed to provide my sister and me with better lives – which we have – and I feel like a huge a-hole. 

Ah! But, what COULD HAVE been. As much as it’d be easy for me, I know I can’t blame everything on my parents. I wish I had been as focused as Yumi.

I had so much fun rooting for Yumi! How could I not? She wanted to make people laugh!

Let’s encourage more Korean-American artists! I am convinced if there were more Yumis in this world, we’d have a lot more kimchi jokes on Saturday Night Live (SNL).

Hey, here’s one from 90DayKorean:

Q: What is the biggest bean in the world?

A: 킹콩!
Translation: Big Bean. Pronounced: keeng kohng. Like King Kong.

Get it?

Not sure Lorne Michaels will be knocking on my door for that one. I’ll leave it to the Yumi’s out there. Are you one of them?

Related Titles!

My story was inspired by Stand up, Yumi Chung by Jessica Kim, which on my book list “About Korean-American Girls.” Check my other book reviews that may inspire your own story:

• • The Name Jar by Yangsook Choi
  • Danbi Leads the School Parade by Anna Kim